The Veiled Iris Complex
by LovleeLady
Summary: Roxanne Carmichael has always been content with staying invisible in New York City. But with the sudden death of her parents, her controlling older sister sends her to Hogwarts, where she is noticed more than she would like to be.
1. Of New Beginnings

_**Of New Beginnings**_

I had always been perfectly happy with being in New York, considering I was used to it for all 15 years of my life. I hoped that nothing would ever change—I hated change. Change was a tricky thing. You never knew what would happen or when it would happen or how long it would last or how much it would affect you. Change is what ruined my life. Well, actually Sylvie, my sister, is the one who sparked the changes, so she's the one to blame for one of the biggest, (well, third biggest) changes of my life. Leaving New York. Leaving all the lights and the traffic and the big buildings and most of all Broadway. How I loved Broadway and the arts. And because Sylvie took it upon herself to become my new mother figure, I was stuck going to a stupid wizarding school in the middle of nowhere, away from the big city.

I wish that attack had never happened. I wish that my parents were still…you know…here. But they're not, like many others who met the same fate. Fate that took my Mom and Dad away, fate that took Dan away, fate that decided to be particularly cruel to me and tore my life apart.

That's what got me on Platform 9 3/4: damn fate, damn change. I sat on my black trunk, which was covered in silver writing from Cory and Tristan's good-bye message. They took it upon themselves to make sure I would never go through a whole day without glimpsing it. My lips curled into a small smile at the thought of my two best and only friends in New York, but it immediately receded into a sorrowful frown at the realization of how far I was from home; 3471 miles—my new least favorite number.

I still had plenty of time to get on to the train. I was in no hurry. I was calm at the moment, now that Sylvie was no longer around me—in fact, I think she was glad to be rid of me. For the past summer, I tried to be as much of a burden as possible, in order to express my resentment towards her, after she made the decision to ship me across the globe. Served her right. Not to mention really weird things kept happening around me—power outages when I sneezed, the toilet exploding when I banged my toe. Sylvie claimed that it was a Wizarding Cold, if there is such a thing. It would've seemed a heck of a lot weirder if I didn't have so many other things on my mind.

Realizing how long I had been sitting, I lifted my trunk off the platform, dirtied black from years of grime, and started towards the shiny, scarlet train at the shrill sound of the warning whistle. Students bustled about me, already in their uniforms; girls with pleated grey tweed skirts, guys with grey slacks, and all with white dress shirts, grey vests, and ties. I dreaded that uniform.

Suddenly feeling conspicuous, I lowered my head in an attempt to make my lonesome-self invisible. With a huge effort, I heaved my overly packed luggage towards the mountain of baggage that was steadily growing and proceeded onto the train. I silently prayed that I would find an empty compartment, as others were boarding the train in bunches. Being around strange people made me slightly uncomfortable.

Avoiding the possibility of being trampled, I slid into the nearest compartment. It was vacant. I plopped onto the velvety crimson cushion, heaved a sigh and stared at my reflection in the window. Dark, curly hair framed my face. I hated my hair. I'd always wanted it to be a nice shade of light brown, like Sylvie's. My small, slightly pointed nose held up my sunglasses, which in turn, covered the features I despised most of all. My eyes.

My irises were a vibrant shade of violet. It was weird because no one in my family, let alone the world, had eyes such as mine. The realization of being so different caused me to start wearing dark glasses all the time, in order to avoid the stares. Though wearing the glasses did get me classified as ''Strange'' by my peers at Cygnus Academy, and otherwise demoted me to a reject, the lowest possible caste in social hierarchy.

Mom loathed my sunglasses and attempted the throw them in the garbage disposal a countless number of times while I was sleeping, until I charmed them to let out bloodcurdling screams when she touched them, thus waking me up. I chuckled to myself, remembering the first time that happened. She was so unbelievably angry with me. I was banned from dance and music classes for two weeks. That part of it wasn't so funny.

The train let out its final whistle, bringing me out of my reverie. The locomotive lurched forward. Noisily chugging out of the station, we began picking up speed and were soon zooming past towns and houses.

I inched farther back into my seat and leaned my head against the window, staring at a random spot on the wall. The second most frightful day of my life starting replaying in my head like a film, and I desperately tried to think of something else, tried to stop the furious flow of memories, but I couldn't control it.

_**Flashback**_

_"I don't see why you're so bitter, Roxanne. It's just a stupid Quidditch match. There WILL be others!" Sylvie, balancing her Wizarding account, was confronting me about my resentful attitude that evening. Mom and Dad had refused to let me come to Dan's Quidditch match as it was a school night.  
"F.Y.I. Sylvie, The U.S. only plays Brazil once each year. ONCE! The biggest rivals in the world are playing as we speak and I'm missing it!" _

_ I repositioned my legs, which were curled up under me as I worked from the low coffee table in our small living room. I turned to my essay on the Goblin Upheaval of 1817. …In your opinion, how did the series of revolts affect the start of the Great Movement in 1819?… Tapping my pencil, I scanned Chapter 7, not really paying attention to what I was writing down, and soon Sylvie came up behind me and read over my shoulder._

_ "Wow, we HAVE been productive for the past hour!" she said sarcastically. "'The Gremlin Revolt of 1819 was'…oh, and look we have a Quidditch diagram which is in NO WAY related to gremlins!"_

_ "Go away, freak," I retorted. I crumpled up my paper and tossed it over my shoulder. "It's a work in progress." But she was right, of course. I was totally distracted. Seeing as I was getting nowhere on my paper, I rested my chin in my hands and watched the rain pounding against the windows, sliding down the pane in tiny rivulets. What terrible weather for Quidditch!_

_ I sat there for the next hour, simply ignoring my sister's instructions t__o finish my paper, blocking out her remarks about how I was going to end up a janitor at the Experimental Potions Center on the other side of town if I didn't apply myself to my studies._

_ I hoped Dan was okay. The wind was beginning to pick up. It was only his second year on the USA Quidditch team. He was one of the best beaters I ever did see, though there was no way he could ever surpass Julio Rodriquez from Brazil. I could never admit this to Dan, of course._

_ So I sat, staring into space, tuning out Sylvie's diminishing contradictions, my eyelids feeling gradually heavier… _

_…and heavier…_

_…slowly…ever so slowly…_

_…closing…_

_…mind…blanking…_

_**RIIIING!  
**_

…eh…

_**RIIIING!**_

…huh?…

**_RIIIING!_**

…yawn…wha's'at…?

_**RIIIING!**_

_"PICK UP THE PHONE, ROX!" My sister's command sent my hand spidering across the table, fumbling clumsily for the phone._

_"H'llo?"_

_"Roxy, it's Mom." Her voice was higher pitched than was normal. A note of panic resounded within her greeting._

_"We're at the hospital with Dan—" I dropped the receiver in shock. Mom's voice carried from the earpiece, but I barely heard anything._

_"—Bludger accident—"_

_"—head trauma—"_

_"—tell Sylvie—"_

_"—stay home—" Yeah, like I was really going to do that! I grabbed my sweatshirt from the kitchen table, knowing perfectly well that it wasn't going to protect me from the rain. The phone was still off the hook, Mom still talking, calling my name. I made my way through the kitchen. I didn't bother to quiet my footsteps. To hell with the people below us._

_"Where are you going? Your essay isn't done!" Sylvie made sure that I didn't get away so easily. She stood up from on of the bar stools lining the island in the middle of our kitchen.  
"Hospital," I replied, my voice cracking. I wrenched open the door discovered the chain was still fastened, unlatched it rather roughly, and ran out into the hall. Just as before, Sylvie's cries were nothing but background noise…_

_**End Flashback**_

The voice of a girl standing in the doorway had interrupted my thoughts. A slight cold sweat had to build up on my forehead. I dragged the sleeve of my black sweater across my brow, thankful the movie inside my head had ended, and turned my attention to the expectant individual.

"Huh?" I said stupidly.

"I was wondering if I could sit down here," she repeated.

I quickly scrutinized her. She was pale with rosy cheeks and pointed features. Her mahogany hair was chin length, tucked behind her ear. The hazel eyes looking at me sparkled with curiosity and good nature. Deeming the girl suitable after my 'inspection', if you will, I nodded my head, ever so slightly and turned back to the window. The scenery had changed to rolling countryside, and darks clouds threatened to unleash torrents of rain.

"I'm Jocelyn Frawley," the girl said, breaking the awkward silence, holding out her hand.

"Roxanne. Roxanne Carmichael," I answered, shaking it. I knew she noticed my sunglasses, but she didn't question them, which I was thankful for, as had so many before her.

"Are you an exchange student? Your accent is foreign." Jocelyn reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out some sort of orange pastry.

"Uh, yeah, I'm from the States."

"Really? That's so neat! I've never been outside Great Britain before! What part?" Jocelyn nibbled the corner of the orange pastry, reminding me of how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten anything since the small bit of toast at breakfast.

"New York," I replied and adjusted my sunglasses as a self-conscious reflex.

"I've always wanted to go there! It's one of the major wizarding capitals of the world! What's it like?"

"Well…uh…"I started, not knowing where to begin. Jocelyn's straightforward nature and eagerness to hear about New York threw me off a little bit. "…There are a lot of, er, buildings and skyscrapers that are, um, so tall that you can't see the top when you…put your head back as far as you possibly can to look up at them. The noise is so…I dunno…intoxicatingly overpowering that you walk outside just to hear it. And the people are so amazing! Wizards and witches from all over come to New York—from Great Britain, and Morocco and China…once, a wizard from Budapest came to our apartment asking for the Head of the Exploitation of Wizarding Concoctions who he needed to confront about a frog spawn incident—" I stopped.

"You must be so bored with my rambling." I was suddenly embarrassed. I rambled often. It would always get on the nerves of my peers, not to mention my teachers when they called on me to answer a question. Not to mention the memories were still quite painful to dwell on at the present time.

"No, no, I think it's great! America sounds so wonderful!" Jocelyn gushed. I smiled. My first real smile in…god, a year? And, come to think of it, when was the last time I had a friend who was a girl? Probably never, so being around a girl who was so easy to talk to (maybe even a potential friend) put me at ease and just made me feel a little bit more whole since…I didn't want to think about it.

I shut my mouth, not want to discuss the now uncomfortable subject of home, and Jocelyn, sensing me tense up, hastily changed the topic, and began telling me all about Hogwarts. The Houses and their rivalries were explained to me, especially the one between Gryffinclaw and Slytherpuff, or something like that, which Jocelyn talked about with such vigor and malice I thought she was going to break something, namely me.

"The passionate hatred between Gryffindor and Slytherin goes back many centuries." I knew I had mixed up the names! "I'm in Gryffindor myself."

"Really? I couldn't tell," I said sarcastically, rubbing my arm where she had smacked it every time she mentioned "those evil conniving prats", as she put it.

"Sorry, 'bout that. I get carried away sometimes." Jocelyn smiled sheepishly and blushed.

"It's okay. I think I'll live." And she went on, talking about the teachers, the classes, and such, occasionally interrupted by fits of giggles and shuffling feet passing our compartment. It was really getting on my nerves, and I frequently caught words like "…Oh my gosh he's so cute…" and "…they look, like, so great this year…" and even more often "…do you think he'd go out with me again, Denise?".

The noise was a bit irksome. Honestly, it sounded exactly like Laila Windsor from New York and her mindless cronies when they gossiped about the guys at Cygnus. But I kept my cool, that is, until excited shrieks pierced my skull. "WHAT THE HELL?" I shouted. I slid open the compartment door to see what all the screaming was about and leaned out.

A group of girls was attempting to crowd into one of the compartments, each female trying to wrestle her way through the throng.

"What in Gods name…?" I wondered.

The crowd was growing by the second. Another round of screams filled the tiny corridor, and a blonde haired girl with black roots pushed her way back of the compartment, her red-nailed hand holding her cheek. She had a giddy expression on her face. Upon reaching another "blonde" whom I assumed to be her friend, they burst out in animated conversation.

"He kissed my cheek! HE KISSED MY CHEEK!"

"Oh my gosh, you are, like, so lucky!" The hysteric giggling began again, and I was filled with the sudden urge to sock them both along with the rest of the female assembly gathered. Anything to get them to shut up. Without warning, another swarm of girls shuffled past me, jostling me this way and that, shouting rude remarks about how I was in their way. Fuming, and muttering profanity under my breath I returned to Jocelyn, who was looking at me with an amused expression on her face.

"You get used to it," she informed me matter-of-factly. We both glanced towards the door. Girls were still rushing to and fro.

"What was that about anyway?" I had never seen such a spectacle in my entire life.

"Two words: the Marauders." Jocelyn then offered me what she called a 'Pumpkin Pasty'. I took it gratefully, broke it in half, and slurped up the orange cream inside. As good as it was, it still was no comparison to cream-filled doughnuts.

"What's a Marauder?"

"You mean who." The Marauders are the four most desired bachelors at Hogwarts." The train gave a particularly nasty jolt, and we grasped the edge of our velvet-upholstered seats for stability. "The first Marauder is James Potter; biggest show off if there ever was one. But none of the girls seem to notice, since not only is he cute, even though he looks like he's never brushed his hair a day in his life, but he's also the best damn Seeker this school has ever seen."

"Then you've got Remus Lupin. He's the total opposite of James; the only tolerable one out of the lot-and the only one who has any common sense whatsoever. He is really quiet, but he doesn't need words to express his intelligence, and sensitivity, and generosity and-"

"Focus, Jocelyn! Focus!" I said waving my hand in front of her face, as she rattled off all of his redeeming qualities. Looked like someone had a little crush.

"Right, sorry," she answered, clearing her throat, her cheeks turning bright crimson. She continued, "Then you've got Pettigrew, who is the most irritating little bugger I have ever known. Oh, you know the type--short, chubby, no real friends so he follows the others around. A bit of a pervert, too."

"Then, last but not least, Sirius Black, perhaps the most gorgeous guy in the history of the world, the Sex God of Hogwarts. Dated practically every girl in the school. I'll be damned if there's one he HASN'T courted," She took a big bite. "The longest relationship he's ever had with a girl was two months, and even then it was on and off. Disgusting, really."

I wrinkled my nose in displeasure. I was not warming up to this Sirius character in the least bit. I silently prayed that I wouldn't have to bump into him, not that I would have the problem of him asking me out. I mean, I wasn't that attractive, anyway. Besides, all guys were the same. They only cared about girls with make-up caked visages and skirts the showed their butt when they bent over. I didn't exactly fit into that category.

I took a quick glance out the window, seeing if I could glimpse Hogwarts yet, whatever it looked like. Dark clouds gathered in the sky, threatening to release the moisture collected within.

Jocelyn went on. "But the female population couldn't care less. Some he's even been with six times. Such a player." If I ever dated someone like that, Mom and Dad would've killed me, not to mention that certain someone would be killed by my brother. I laughed inwardly. How protective Dan was, considering he was always telling me to follow in his footsteps as a beater (clashing with Mom and Dad's wish for me to become a wizarding bank official, of course), which I did gladly.

A small ray of sunshine peeped out from behind the barricade of sinister clouds that shadowed the sky, but was quickly repressed, as my happy thoughts developed into sorrowful ones—I gave up Quidditch. Oh how I loved it! But Dan's accident scared me so bad I couldn't play anymore. If only— "Roxanne, we're almost there. You might want to change into your uniform," Jocelyn said, indicating my torn jeans and black sweater. I sighed at the prospect of wearing a uniform, and reluctantly followed Jocelyn to scavenge for our trunks.

Fifteen minutes, and a clothes change later, we were back in the compartment. I constantly circled the small quarters looking over my shoulder, trying to glimpse my butt, which felt totally exposed. I hated, absolutely hated, wearing skirts. Especially shorter ones. This one fell two or three inches above the knee. I constantly fiddled with the grey, tweed garment in which I was confined until Jocelyn threatened to tie my hands behind my back if I continued to move around.

"Besides, you look great in that uniform." I grumbled under my breath in response. Skirts definitely sucked.

I attempted to pull my skirt down once more. Jocelyn gave me a warning look. I sat on my hands, so I wouldn't be tempted to adjust the stupid article of clothing. I stared back out the window and tapped my feet, now clad in chunky-heeled Mary Janes, out of my newfound anxiety (Sylvie had taken all of my sneakers out of my trunk and replaced them with shoes she found 'suitable'. I was going to kill her later). I couldn't remember ever feeling so nervous in my entire life. My knees quivered uncontrollably. I pressed them together in hopes of preventing the trembling.  
Starting afresh was something completely new to me. I had lived in New York my whole life, gone to the same school since I was 5, lived in the same apartment, hung out with the same people. But now, I had to build up a new life from scratch. I had to be around new people, who I knew nothing about, and vice versa. I was to live in an unfamiliar place, totally the opposite of what I was used to, and that was scary. Terrifying, really.

I rubbed my temples. My head had started to throb painfully. I hated change.

"Are you okay?" Jocelyn's hazel eyes were filled with concern. I didn't want her sympathy.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Just nerves, I guess."

The train began to slow. Its improperly oiled wheels screeched. It was time to see my home for the next nine and a half months. Students filed out of their compartments, chattering amiably with one another. Keeping my head down, I followed, Jocelyn right behind me. I stepped off the smoking locomotive and looked up…


	2. Of Sortings and Scuffles

**Author's Note**: Hey I've got a couple things to say

#1: I forgot to put my disclaimer in my last chapter so here it is: I own nothingexcept Roxanne and her family, and other minor characters . The rest is, of course, a creation of J.K. Rowling's brilliant mind.  
#2: For some reason my changes weren't saved to the document, so it still says that James Potter is a Seeker. That's not what I wanted it to say. It's supposed to say Chaser.  
#3: Please review! Pretty pretty pretty pretty please?

_Recap:_

_I rubbed my temples. My head had started to throb painfully. I hated change._

_"Are you okay?" Jocelyn's hazel eyes were filled with concern._

_"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Just nerves, I guess."_

_The train began to slow. Its improperly oiled wheels screeched. It was time to see my home for the next nine and a half months. Students filed out of their compartments, chattering amiably with one another. Keeping my head down, I followed, Jocelyn right behind me. I stepped off the smoking locomotive and looked up…_

**Of Sortings and Scuffles**

…I saw the greatest structure I had ever laid eyes upon. Silhouetted against the moon, Hogwarts, with its multitude of towers and turrets, sat upon a rocky cliff overlooking the choppy black waters of the lake. It was much more imposing than Cygnus, I had to admit, which wasn't really an image of grandeur to begin with. Maybe it wasn't such a good comparison after all.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Jocelyn whispered in my ear. I simply nodded, unable to say much of anything. "Just wait till you get inside."

"Firs' years! Firs' years over 'ere!" A giant man stood on the platform. He was at least nine or ten feet tall, maybe taller. I couldn't really tell in the dark. He was clad in a shabby-looking coat and a large lantern. The booming voice spoke once more. "Firs' years! Firs' years! Follow me firs' years!"

I made to follow him when Jocelyn grasped my wrist. "It's this way. Hagrid only takes the first years," she said, leading me off the platform, towards a cluster of black shapes, which, as I got closer, I identified as carriages. They were black with gold trim, stout, closed at the top, and had the shape of a half circle with slightly square sides. The elegant carriages rested on gold-rimmed wheels, whose axle was attached to two shafts. Something stirred between the shafts of the nearest carriage. I could only glimpse the faint outline of a horse, before Jocelyn ushered me inside the coach.

It was a great relief to be shielded from the bitter winds. I rubbed my raw hands together; I really wished I had my jacket with me, but no I had this flimsy cloak. It's not like I wasn't used to being cold—I lived in New York for God's sake! No, I just wasn't used to being in the cold without the proper attire! Seriously, what kind of school gives their students uniforms that don't prevent them from freezing to death?

The carriages began their ascent up the slope. I flipped back the curtains covering the windows, and gazed toward the inky waters below. Tiny boats were making their way across the lake, slowly but surely, their lanterns lighting the way. I would be freaked out, sailing across a lake. Who knows what could be lurking underneath the surface? Ever since I saw the movie "Jaws" at the age of 6, I'd been scarred for life. I hardly ever went near the water.

I had momentarily forgotten my nerves with thoughts of demonic sharks, but they had returned as I thought of what lied ahead for me. I recalled what Jocelyn had said before about the different houses. I wondered which one I would be in. I guess it didn't matter, really. It wasn't like I had ever met these people before. Each house would provide a new beginning for me, a new set of peers, new surroundings. If I had to choose, I'd probably choose Gryffindor, so I'd be with Jocelyn. But would I be heartbroken if I wasn't in her house? No, not really. I had just met her a few hours ago! Not that she wasn't cool, and everything, 'cause she definitely was—

"We're here!"

I had just realized that the carriage was no longer in motion. I exited its dark interior and stepped onto the dirt path. Hogwarts true size was made known to me as I stood, looking up towards its nearest tower. The whole structure was constructed of grey stone, and seemed to touch the star-studded sky. It was much taller than the skyscrapers in New York, if that's even possible! I felt guilty: I was supposed to be hating this place, and I was already having positive feelings towards it. I felt like I was betraying myself. Nothing was ever supposed to replace my hometown. Nothing!

But I couldn't help it. I just stood gaping at Hogwarts until Jocelyn urged forward, laughing.

"We haven't even gotten inside yet and you're already impressed! Come on!" She led me inside the great wooden doors into the entrance foyer. It was even more magnificent than the outside! Gold detailing was engraved on the high ceiling, from which hung a beautiful crystal chandelier. Torches lined the walls, occasionally interrupted by a painting or two, or a suit of armor. At the far end of the room was a marble staircase, leading up to Hogwarts' unknown contents.  
Students were rushing inside a set of doors on the right side of the room. I made to follow them when I heard my name called.

"Roxanne Carmichael!" I suddenly stopped and turned around. Jocelyn bumped into me.

A stern-looking witch with graying black hair and emerald green robes was rushing towards me. Her sharp nose held up square spectacles that gleamed in the light and her face was set in a very firm expression.

"Are you Roxanne Carmichael?"

"Yes."

Her eyes flickered disapprovingly towards my sunglasses.

"I'm Professor McGonagall. Welcome to Hogwarts. I have information that you'll be starting your sixth year here? Wonderful. What's going to happen is that we will sort all of the first years, and you'll stand outside these doors. When the headmaster introduces you, you will walk to the front of the Great Hall."—she gestured towards the pair of doors on my right—"Understand? Perfect." Professor McGonagall ignored my protests of confusion and rushed off to reprimand a student for transfiguring another's head into what looked like some sort of tropical blue fish.

"Don't worry about it," Jocelyn reassured me. "It'll be fine. Good luck!"

She gave me a hug, and, with a small smile, walked inside to what I deduced as the Great Hall.

I stood by the doors, feeling quite out of place as people filed past me, including a line of especially short kids who looked no more than ten or eleven years old. The doors shut with a bang. I was alone. My breathing echoed throughout the room, becoming louder as I realized that in a few minutes time, I was going to be an official student at Hogwarts. No longer was I a part of Cygnus Academy of Fine Wizardry, the only school I've ever known.

I made sure to pay attention to the voices inside the Great Hall. I could hear quite clearly. It was completely silent out here and inside the Great Hall, except for random snippets of names and Houses being called. I looked towards the stairs, remembering one of my dance competitions where we had to use a set of false stairs in our tap act.

"I would like to welcome our new American transfer student, Roxanne Carmichael, who will be in her sixth year here at Hogwarts."

_Oh! That's me! Crap! No! I don't want to do this!_

_  
_ I pushed open the heavy doors, though it required quite a bit of effort, and was met with something I definitely did not expect! Thousands upon thousands of flickering and blinking candles illuminated the space of the long, elephantine room. Looking up I saw that there was no ceiling—just the night sky speckled with twinkling stars. Four long tables, running vertically from where I stood, sat in the middle, decked with golden place settings. Each was decorated in different colored banners: red, yellow, blue, and green. A fifth table filled with adults whom I assumed were teachers at Hogwarts, sat at the other end of the room facing me. But none of those things was what took me by surprise. Oh, no. It was the hundreds of pairs of eyes, all turned on me, watching me as if I was some animal in a zoo. The tables were packed with so many students! I took a deep breath and began walking to the end of the room. My heels clicked loudly against the flagged-stone floor. Each click seemed magnified a million times.

_Click… … Click… … Click… … Click… _

My feet brought me closer towards the teachers' table. A three-legged stool sat in front of the table, and on it was placed a ratty old hat, patched and dirty. Normally, I would've tried to figure out the purpose of the hat, but my brain had seemingly gone numb at the moment.

_Click… …Click…_

The students kept their eyes on me, whispering to one another, not bothering to keep their voices down, talking about me as if I wasn't there. The occupants of the table embellished in green glared at me, as if I were the scum of the Earth. It angered me how much hatred their eyes showed. Their faces were stone cold and unfeeling.

"Why is she wearing those sunglasses?"

"Maybe she has some deformity."

And on and on and on the whispers went. I would've given anything to end that torturous walk of humiliation—and I mean ANYTHING. I hated being the center of attention. I wanted to just melt into the floor.

_Click… … Click…_

Why did it have to be so far away? I looked at my feet and concentrated on not falling over in the heels; not wanting to see the peering faces with their eyes fixed upon me. I didn't know if I had passed Jocelyn yet. Probably, considering I was almost there, almost to the end of the room, the end of this embarrassment.

_Click… … Click…_

I had reached the teachers. Professor McGonagall was standing next to the stool, holding the hat. She motioned for me to sit down. I did. Everyone's eyes were still fixed on me. I shifted uncomfortably, wishing that I could just die right then and there.

Death wouldn't be so bad, I thought. At least I'd be reunited with Dan and my parents again and Iwould never have to experience this place…

Professor McGonagall placed the hat on my head, a gesticulation that caught me by surprise. What in god's name was this hat supposed to do? I closed my eyes (though no one could tell of course) and waited for something to happen.

_"Well!"_

I almost jumped at the sound of the voice in my ear. It seemed so close, like a tiny mosquito speaking to me right beside my ear.

_"My, my, a transfer…it's been years since my last one of those…"_

What the hell was going on?

_"My dear, I am the Sorting Hat...I can see everything inside your head…and I must say its very interesting…"_

The hat stopped talking for about a minute. And then started up again.

_"It is quite impressive…a fairly good mind, no doubt about that…but such potential you have, bubbling inside of you…incredible potential that even you can't imagine…"_

What potential was it talking about?

_"…And so much heartbreak…it is amazing how one stays sane…takes a profuse amount of courage, the death of a loved one…"_

Memories flashed before my eyes--smoke, buildings crashing to the ground, Dan in a hospital bed, my fight with Mom and Dad, the gravestones showered in roses, newspaper headlines bearing the words "Terrorist Attack" —_'STOP!'_ I screamed in my head. _'JUST STOP!'_ I was shaking so badly, the stool rattled faintly. I took a deep breath to steady myself. I realized my lip was bleeding from me biting on it so hard.

_"…You must learn to control your emotions…they could be your downfall…"_

_"Hmm…most definitely…GRYFFINDOR!"_

The hat suddenly shouted for all to hear. It was all over. I was now bound to Hogwarts. No more Cygnus, no more Cory and Tristan. It seemed oddly like a gang: once you're in, you're in.  
The table farthest to my left, decked out in red, erupted with applause. I saw Jocelyn waving me over, the biggest grin on her face. I couldn't help but grin, too, though I was still shaken by what the hat had said to me, what it had reminded me. How did it know about those things? How could a stupid hat shake me up so bad?

I glanced up towards the teacher's table. Dumbledore was standing up, giving a speech, his long silver beard shining brightly. I recognized him from when he came to our apartment over the summer to discuss my transfer with Sylvie. When I had met him, his light blue eyes had a surreal quality about them and he seemed to be looking straight into my soul. It had been creepy and I was thankful when they moved on into the kitchen. Sylvie had accused me of eavesdropping on adult affairs when I had to get a bottle of water from the kitchen where they were congregating. After that she banned me from the kitchen. Like I had seriously wanted to listen to her stupid droning? As if!

Jocelyn elbowed me in the ribs. I turned and noticed piles of food on the golden platters. It all looked so delicious--sweet potatoes, and roasts, and turkey, and mashed potatoes. It was such fancy and exquisite food; nothing like the Chinese take out I was used to. It seemed ages ago since that last Pumpkin Pasty. My stomach rumbled, demanding nourishment. I gladly obliged and piled up food onto my plate. Everyone babbled happily with one another, and I followed suit and talked with Jocelyn between mouthfuls.

"I just knew you'd be in Gryffindor!" she shouted over the hubbub after taking a swig of what she called Pumpkin Juice. She was grinning broadly. I grinned back. It was a good thing for me—smiling. I had almost forgotten how. It was really nice to smile again, to have something that I could smile about: a friend.

I began to concentrate on food again and tried to satisfy the bottomless pit I called a stomach. Jocelyn laughs as I broke off conversation with her to stuff my face for a few minutes.

"I've never seen someone eat so much in my life, except maybe for Potter over there."

I turned to where she was pointing. A boy with incredibly messy black hair and glasses was currently stuffing his face with copious amounts of food that were heaped onto his plate. His cheeks were chock-full of mashed potatoes, which were spilling from his lips. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and pushed my plate away. I was no longer hungry.

"Yeah, it makes me nauseous, too," Jocelyn said and she pushed away her plate as well.

"Is that one of the people you told me about on the train?" I kept my eyes on him. It was fascinating how one could eat so much. Where did he putit all?

"Yep. James Potter. And see that boy on his left?"

I nodded.

"THAT'S the one and only Sirius Black."

Jocelyn was right: he WAS absolutely gorgeous (yes, I can admit it). He had longish dark brown hair that fell into his chocolate brown eyes and defined, well-structured facial features. I could see why girls fawned all over him. Speaking of which, there were a bunch of them hovering around him and James Potter, cooing compliments.

"You're drooling," Jocelyn whispered in my ear. I punched her lightly on the arm. I did NOT drool over guys.

"Am not!"

Honestly, I would never go ga-ga over a guy! Sure, I can admit that they're good-looking (I'm not BLIND!). But other than that, I've never felt like that towards anyone, except once when I dated this guy named Reid from my dance studio, but we broke up after about a month. Yes, I was heartbroken, but after a period of time, I realized that I didn't need a guy in my life to make me happy. And I've been that way ever since: independent.

I turned back towards Sirius and James. They (between heaping mouthfuls) were talking and laughing animatedly with each other and two boys across from them, whose faces I couldn't see. Occasionally, they would pay attention to the girls hanging from their arms, but more often then not they would completely ignore them. Everything about them screamed cocky, from the way they would fix their hair, to their facial expressions to their hand gestures, to the way they would just brush off the obsessed females. I hate cocky people.

Filled with new disgust, I glanced around the tables. Everyone was starting to slow down and practically forcing themselves to eat just one more spoonful. Droopy eyes gazed at empty plates, and mouths once full of chatter stretched to form yawns instead of words. I was quite tired myself and rested my head on my hand.

Dumbledore stood up once more. "Now, before we head up to the dormitories for a good night's rest I have a few announcements. First off, Filch the Caretaker would like me to remind you all that 'PlayWizard' magazine is STILL banned and that any copies found will indeed be confiscated." A murmur went through the student body. Titters and gasps echoed through the hall. A small smile played across Dumbledore's mouth, indicating his slight embarrassment at mentioning the magazine 'PlayWizard'. Professor McGonagall's mouth, however, was pressed in a thin line at her disdain of the subject. "You may also see the list of banned items, now up to number two-hundred and seventy-six, outside the door of his office."

My eyelids were quite heavy, and I struggled to stay awake. I could vaguely hear the rest of the announcements.

"Second…Forbidden Forest…not allowed…telescopes…last year…no repeat…"

Conciousness was slipping away from me, as my mind cleared itself of all other thoughts unrelated to sleep.

"Fourth! Quidditch tryouts will be held at the end of September. See the Quidditch Captain of your House for precise tryout dates."

My eyes snapped open and I was no longer sleepy. _Quidditch? No! Quidditch can't be here! It just can't!_

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Huh?" Jocelyn was leaning towards me.

"Your body got all tense when Dumbledore mentioned Quidditch. What's wrong?"

Flashes of Dan with IVs weaving through him overtook my mind. I shook my head in attempts to rid myself of the lingering memory.

"Nothing. It was nothing. Just…bad childhood experiences…"

"Oh!" She turned back to Dumbledore who was now finishing up some announcement about detentions.

Why did they have to have Quidditch here? I have enough reminders of my past as it is! Of course there was bound to be Quidditch at Hogwarts, what wizarding school doesn't have it? But the fact didn't really sink in before, even when Jocelyn mentioned James being a Chaser on the train. Then a new thought reverberated within the confines of my head:

_Are you going to try out?_

_No, of course not_! I was terrified of flying ever since Dan's accident. I could never bring myself to get on a broomstick anymore. Not after what Quidditch did to my brother.  
But I missed it so much! And I was good! It was so much fun! _I suppose trying out wouldn't hurt… No! I can't! I just…can't…_

When we had finally been dismissed everyone rose from their positions on the benches and filed out the doors. I trailed behind Jocelyn as we made our way up a series of staircases, making sure to make a note of my surroundings. It seemed so easy to get lost.

All of us had gone up the stair together as one giant mass, but now the different Houses separated, leaving only the Gryffindors with their red and gold ties (except for me of course). Before I knew it we had stopped in front of a portrait of a fat woman in a frilly pink dress.

"Password?" Her voice was nasally and quite snobbish.

A student nearby, obviously leading the shortfirst years said, "Abraxan" to the fat woman. Now, I was really confused as to the reason why a mythological horse was of any importance, much less to a painting, but I soon learned, as the woman's portrait swung forward to reveal a round hole, through which my fellow Gryffindors began climbing through. I, however, was hesitant to go inside.

"Oh, come on!"

Jocelyn grabbed my hand and pulled me inside, the portrait closing behind us. I was inside a large room, completely embellished in red and gold. A large stone fireplace with a fire already blazing sat the center wall, providing a very cozy atmosphere. The rest of it's wall was covered in large floor to ceiling windows framed in red curtains. Several low mahogany tables were scattered around the room along with a multitude of very cushy-looking armchairs. Across from the fireplace were two spiral staircases.

"Welcome to the Gryffindor Common Room!"

"It's amazing!" And it truly was. It looked so incredibly comfortable. I couldn't wait to curl up in one of those chairs and read. Perfect for rainy days!

"Come on. I'll show you to your dorm. Since you're a sixth year, you'll be sharing with me and my other roommates!" I followed Jocelyn up the spiral staircase on the right, obviously the one for girls, as the boys were ascending the staircase on the left. The sound of boys whooping and hollering faded as we entered a long hallway, where doors were marked with numbers indicating grades. We passed 1A, 1B, 1C, 1D and 2A, 2B, 2C, 2D and so on and so forth, until Jocelyn stopped at 6B _**(A/N: Yes, I am making this part up as it doesn't specify any of this in the book so bear with me here!).**_ She knocked on the door seven times, and a girl with brown hair bearing blonde highlights opened the door. Her head looked like a zebra.

"Oh, good, it's you Jocelyn! We thought it might be those dreadful second years. You know, they knocked here four times, asking if this was their room? Honestly, can't they read?" She ushered us inside. It was a circular room containing five canopy beds, each with a night table and a trunk at the end of each. I glimpsed mine with silver writing on it at the foot of the bed farthest to my right.

"You're Roxanne. I recognize you from the feast. You were kind of hard to miss." The girl had finally noticed my prescence and acknowledged it with a hint of disdain in her voice. "McGonagall told us you'd be rooming in here. I'm Gwendolyn Capewell. Everyone calls me Gwen." She held out a perfectly manicured hand.

"Roxanne Carmichael," I introduced myself, shaking her hand.

"This is Lily Evans." She pointed to a girl with flaming red hair and bright green eyes who was unpacking her trunk. "She's a prefect." Lily paused from taking out her underwear and waved.

"I'll just pretend like I know what a prefect is."

Jocelyn laughed from across the room. "I'll tell you later."

"That girl over there, the one painting her toenails, is Tina Abernathy." Tina had blonde hair and was slightly shorter and morestout than the other girls.

"Hello," she said from where she perched. She had a sort of high-pitched cutesy voice, but it wasn't an annoying kind of voice. It was more natural than the high-pitched ones you usually hear. It suited her well.

Tina wiggled her gold toenails. "Your bed is next to mine. And the bathroom is right through that door over there."

"Thanks." I left Gwen's side, though I could still feel her eyes on me, and sat on the edge of my bed. It was extremely comfortable. I sighed, and looked out the window. It was silent outside, no rattling trees or whispering wind, no noise to speak of. Just sweet serenity, unfortunately. I wanted to go home so bad! I missed all the city noises that had acted as my lullaby for the past fifteen years of my life. What would I do without the familiar squeal of brakes and honking of horns?

I let out a deep breath through my nose.

Jocelyn walked over to me. "Are you okay?"

I really hated her sympathy. I didn't like people caring about me like that.

"Yeah, I…I just miss home…" I felt like a weakling, an emotional baby, and it was a bit embarrassing to be on the verge of going to pieces, but I couldn't help admitting it to her. She was just so easy to talk to, unlike Cory and Tristan some of the time. Maybe it was that whole internal bond thing between females. I wouldn't know—I never had any female friends before.

Jocelyn sat on the end of my bed. It dipped down.

"Don't worry. It'll get better. You'll like it here. Trust me." I just nodded, and decided to just not talk about it anymore. This openness stuff was starting to scare me. I rose from the bed, opened my trunk, grabbed my pajamas (green pants with white polka dots and a white tank) and headed to the bathroom. I noticed that Gwen, Tina, and Lily had been talking in hushed whispers, obviously talking about me. Did people in this damn country have no sense of common courtesy? I rushed into the bathroom positively fuming at the nerve of the people in this school.

I wanted to scream, tear my hair out by the roots. My new roommates were giving each other makeovers, giggling incessantly about boys and fashion and make-up. It was driving me to the point of insanity, though I was grateful at the fact that they hadn't asked me to participate.

"So, what do you think of the Marauders this year, Gwen?" Tina applying a light green face mask to Gwen's face. I winced at the thought of that gunk being on my face!

"Still as good-looking as ever! I swear Sirius gets hotter every year!" Gwen laid back with cucumbers over her eyes and sighed. "I seriously think I'll get my chance with him this year. I can feel it."

"Sorry, but you say that every year, Gwen," Jocelyn interrupted. She hadn't talked to me in awhile now that she was around her other friends. It didn't really bother me.

Gwen pouted and furrowed her brows, deep in thought.

"Speaking of chances, Lily, what are the chances you're going to say yes to James Potter this year?" Tina turned towards the red head who was now plucking her eyebrows.

"One billion to none," she spat with venom. "He is such a prick! I can't stand him and his stupid over-sized ego—argh!" Lily had accidentally poked herself with the tweezers.

"Lily, James isn't that bad, actually," Tina defended.

"Especially since he's friends with Sirius," Gwen added in a dreamy voice. Okay, seriously, she really needed to get a grip on this Sirius obsession.

Tina rolled her eyes.

"I don't want to talk about that son of a—I just don't want to talk about him!" Lily massaged the area of skin below her left eyebrow where she had stabbed herself.

A moment of silence passed among the group. I glanced at my feet. I noticed that Ihad Dad's feet (I also had his heavy walk).

"Roxanne." I jumped a little. It was the first time my roommates exchanged words with me since I had arrived in the dorm.

Tina was turned toward me, her round face plastered with a white smile. "You should join in with us." Her eyes suddenly brightened up. "Oo! Let me give you a facemask like Gwen's! It does exfoliation wonders!"

I looked at her warily. "No, that's alright."

"Come on! It's girls' night! Let me just remove your sunglasses so I can put this on you. She indicated the small jar in her hand.

_Remove my sunglasses?_

_**Flashback **_

****  
_ "Mooooommm! We're hooome!" Dan led me inside the apartment. He had picked me up from my first day at Cygnus Academy of Fine Wizardry. I was seven._

_ "Hello, how was your day?" Mom walked out of the kitchen, toweling off her powder caked hands with a blue rag. She was making bread, as she did often. "Roxy, honey, why are you wearing those sunglasses?"_

_ I looked up from the floor, tears in my eyes. It had been an awful first day. I had asked Dan if I could make a quick stop at Walmart. He had bought the sunglasses for me without question. I was extremely grateful. Maybe the othe rkids wouldn't treat me different anymore._

_ "Take those ridiculous things off, Roxy."_

_ "I can't," I said quietly. I pulled away from my mother as she moved forward._

_  
"Why not?" Her forehead creased as she raised her eyebrows. That often happened when she was worried or annoyed._

_ "They'll make fun of me again."_

_ "Who will make fun of you?"_

_ "All the other kids. They laughed at me because they said I was weird." I scuffed my foot against the carpeting. Dan was still holding my hand. I loved that brotherly gesture._

_ "Oh, babygirl, why would they think that?" My mom was now kneeling in front of me. Her brown, graying hair was escaping the bun atop her head, falling into her face._

_ "Because my eyes are different." She pulled me into a hug. "They wouldn't play with me. They don't play with freaks."_

_ She held me out at arm's length and looked at me in surprise. _

_ "You can't wear those sunglasses for the rest of your life, Babygirl. You have to forget about what other people think and embrace who you are." My mother made a reach for the sunglasses, but I dodged past her and ran into the room I shared with Sylvie and Dan, slamming the door._

_I hated who I was. I hated being different._

_  
**End Flashback** _

Tina was now attempting to grasp my sunglasses as my mother had eight years ago. I rolled off the other side of the bed to elude her and put my hands up in defense, palms facing outward.

"No, no, no, no, no! I'm not taking them off." Tina walked to my side and I crawled across the bed in an escape. The other girls thought I was completelyinsane.

"Why not?"

"I don't want them off."

"So you wear them at all times?" Lily had entered the conversation.

"Yes."

"Why?" Gwen's obnoxious tone filled the space.

"Because…" They all looked at my expectantly. "…Just because."

"That's not a very good reason." I wanted to gouge her eyes out for her rudeness. "In fact, that's not a reason at all."

"Too bad," I shot back. I had reached my wit's end. Gwendolyn Capewell was now on my Pain List. Yes, I did have a Pain List. At the top was Sylvie, followed by Laila Windsor and her gang, and now Gwen took Lucky Number Three, though I was itching to move her up a couple rankings.

"What do you have to hide?"

_More than you know…_

"I seriously don't think that it's any of your business, Gwendolyn." I tried to stay calm, though I was struggling to keep my voice from growing bitter. I didn't need an enemy here already.

"Drop it, guys!" Jocelyn interceded and I went over to my bed and wrenched the hangings shut. I was unbelievably annoyed.

A small shattering sound filled the room, followed by the strong aroma of flowers.

"My perfume!" I heard the scampering of multiple pairs of feet.

"I told you not to put your perfume on the edge of the dresser, Tina!" Lily sounded as ticked as I was.

"I didn't!"

"How else would that have happened?"

"I don't know!"

Lying on my side, I took off my glasses and placed them on the nightstand, next to the cross that had hung in my parents' room before I had snatched it, among other things, from Jocelyn's clutches. She was going to pack it away. Apparently, she thought having the stuff around would cause me to have an emotional breakdown.

I stared hardat my reflection in the mirror. The violet eyes stared back at me. I narrowed them, and turned on my other side angrily.

_ I hate them, I hate them, I HATE them…_

_**Please please PLEASE review! I want your input and critiques: what you like, what you don't like, words of encouragement, things you want to see happen, any ideas for the story, ANYTHING! I would greatly appreciate it!**_

****

**_Lovleelady_**


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